Squidward is a Hipster - Reef Blower
Hello friends!
I apologize for the lengthy pause I took between blog posts. I've been starting a new job and in Spongebob fashion, I've wanted to dedicate my life to my profession. Because of this, I haven't had much time and blah blah blah you don't care about my life, what you are here for is to read about our favorite yellow rectangular prism.
Today I will be tackling Reef Blower, which the shortest episode of Spongebob, but there's a lot to look at here...so lets....*sigh*...dive in....I know I hate my puns too (no I don't).
Again, go watch the episodes because I will not be explaining things in full, I expect the most dedicated fans to look up/remember vividly the moments I speak of.
Episodes: https://www.watchcartoononline.com/spongebob-squarepants-season-1-episode-1-help-wanted-reef-blower-tea-at-the-treedome
REEF BLOWER:
We open on...wait...Squidward?...ok that's fine what's he up to? Well first off he adjusts his crooked flower that sounds like its made of some rusted metal? Whatever. He kicks a small pink shell onto Spongebobs yard, which turns out to be the catalyst of a 2 minute a 50 second excursion surrounding this shell. Let's talk about some of these things.
First off, Squidward, excellent no look, back heel kick of the shell. I mean you got some power on that thing. I'm unaware of soccer being present in this show but I gotta say you'd have a successful career. And with 4 legs? Man if there were an underwater World Cup you know the Squids would be the Germany of sea.
Before Spongebob even gets his reef blower, he comes popping out of his circular window, sits on the ledge, and slides down. I have questions. How can this dude barely lift some stuffed Teddy bears but he can somehow jump from his second story window and slide away unscathed? Furthermore, he slides right under his closed garage door!! Ok listen here Squarepants you clearly are unaffected by doorways, windows, or barriers of any kind, go rob a bank or something.
Lets get back to Squidward for a moment...cause there are a couple things to note about him. First off, where in the world did those coral trees come from? And how are you hammocking from them? Those things barely look stable enough to hold themselves and they holding up your 10 pound head? yea right, no way. Secondly, I'll look past the fact that you just happened to have two pieces of cork in your pockets (where his pockets are I have no idea), but that looks unsafe shoving them into your cranium like you just did. I need some explanation on where your ears are big man.
Thirdly, one second you're hammocking and then like 5 seconds later you have a full table and chair set up to eat?? I kinda get how you got the job at the Krusty Krab now, that's impressive table setting skills. Finally....Boy, what in God's blue sea are you eating dude? I see one sea leaf on that plate! What are you some middle aged woman trying to diet?
Actually no, better yet, Squidward is simply the most extreme hispster we've ever seen. Lets break this down....
1. His diet. The number 1 sign of a hipster is liking foods that don't make a lick of dang sense. If you've ever caught yourself suffering through eating something and then telling people, "its an acquired taste", then you're a hipster and you can let me eat my McDouble in peace thank you very much. Squidward is eating a leaf, but I don't believe he's a vegan because he didn't exclaim it for all the sea to hear at the moment he was shown with food. Even though the episode has no actual dialogue, a true vegan wouldn't have been able to hold it in and just said it anyways. So Squidward is NOT a vegan.
2. Doesn't wear pants. Forget skinny jeans or clothes that look like you sewed it yourself 20 minutes ago. He is going so far against the grain as to not even wear pants. I'll be damned if H&M doesn't start this trend and start selling pairs of nothing for a reasonably affordable price. All Squidward wears is that dirt-colored shirt (made of dirt? he's so hipster I think we can be safe and say yes).
3. Works at a local eatery and judges everyone who comes in. Go into any local coffee shop and try to order something, if you can walk away without feeling stupid about your purchase then you win. I don't think I've ever been able to order a coffee without getting that "you have no idea what you're talking about" look.
Aside: Hipsters love to charge way too much for something way too simply. I went to this restaurant market thing one time, which points out how hipster it was cause I had no idea what the hell to call it, and went to a sandwich place. I got a fried chicken sandwich and a side salad because I didn't want to look basic and order fries. I paid 18 dollars for this, so I expected some interesting sauce, toppings, or idk maybe something that justifies me taking out a bank loan for this sandwich. What came to me what a piece of fried chicken with some pickles on it (they didn't forget the pickles so I was mildly satisfied) between two small pieces of white bread and a small cup of damp cucumbers. I said to the man who delivered it "I'm so sorry I got a salad with this." He replied "that is a salad, its a cucumber and vinegar salad." OK LISTEN HERE YOU POMPOUS A-HOLES YOU CANT JUST THROW ANYTHING INTO A BOWL AND CALL IT A SALAD! I can't put a computer mouse, a soda can, and a chipotle napkin (yes these are all things within eye shot of me) into a bowl and call it a salad, that's not fair. Needless to say I was livid. Moving on...
4. Plays the clarinet horribly....or does he? 90% of music that extreme hipsters enjoy is unbearable...trust me, I've listened to Shovels and Rope on a 3 hour road trip. Squidwards music is bad to us, but to the hipster, it is indie and revolutionary and personal.
... Ok so we all agree Squidward is a hipster.
Let's keep going. Ok so spongebob blows a bunch of sand on Squidward, sucks it back up, the reef blower spits it out and coughs (its alive, its learning, destroy it), Spongebob can't start the blower, so he pulls the handle what seems like 4 miles across town. Pause. I'm not going to dwell too hard on the fact that he lets go and the handle just stays there because clearly physics just doesn't exist to Spongebob. I want to pause at when he grabs back on, and is rapidly pulled back through town. At 2:10 seconds we see that he actually pulled the cord through a 4 way intersection where two cars had to screech to a stop. And yea, one could argue that Spongebob is being irresponsible to pull the cord through an intersection, but had he not done that, there's a good chance those cars collide...ending the lives of two innocent fish, one of which is Fred the Fish, who will play a pivotal role in this show. So thank you Spongebob, you are a hero.
Just a couple more interesting observations. When the reef blower starts up again, it proceeds to suck up ALL of the water in at least the local area (I'm not sure how advanced this society is. Perhaps they've developed some sort of artificial sectioning with walls to gerrymander the sea into counties or states? I'll get into this in another episode I'm sure).
Whether the reef blower sucked up all the water in the whole sea, or just the local county, there has to be some serious lawsuits coming along for the company that makes them. I mean this company is lucky Spongebob is invincible or else that reef blower explosion would've obliterated him. This will surely lead to a sea-wide recall of all reef blowers due to the fact that A. you can suck up the entire ocean with them, and B. they explode. I can imagine when they were first testing this product, they were hoping no one would run across the length of the town in order to start it, in which case they probably had some sort of package warning and therefore Spongebob is at fault here because he clearly didn't read the warnings. But either way, someone's getting their tailfins sued.
The episode cleverly ends with Spongebob walking out of a mound of sand (that conveniently has a door) through his pristine lawn, and Squidward trapped in a mound of sand as the small pink shell falls lightly to his lumpy nose. *french narrators voice* Ah, poetic justice.
Until next time.
I apologize for the lengthy pause I took between blog posts. I've been starting a new job and in Spongebob fashion, I've wanted to dedicate my life to my profession. Because of this, I haven't had much time and blah blah blah you don't care about my life, what you are here for is to read about our favorite yellow rectangular prism.
Today I will be tackling Reef Blower, which the shortest episode of Spongebob, but there's a lot to look at here...so lets....*sigh*...dive in....I know I hate my puns too (no I don't).
Again, go watch the episodes because I will not be explaining things in full, I expect the most dedicated fans to look up/remember vividly the moments I speak of.
Episodes: https://www.watchcartoononline.com/spongebob-squarepants-season-1-episode-1-help-wanted-reef-blower-tea-at-the-treedome
REEF BLOWER:
We open on...wait...Squidward?...ok that's fine what's he up to? Well first off he adjusts his crooked flower that sounds like its made of some rusted metal? Whatever. He kicks a small pink shell onto Spongebobs yard, which turns out to be the catalyst of a 2 minute a 50 second excursion surrounding this shell. Let's talk about some of these things.
First off, Squidward, excellent no look, back heel kick of the shell. I mean you got some power on that thing. I'm unaware of soccer being present in this show but I gotta say you'd have a successful career. And with 4 legs? Man if there were an underwater World Cup you know the Squids would be the Germany of sea.
Lets get back to Squidward for a moment...cause there are a couple things to note about him. First off, where in the world did those coral trees come from? And how are you hammocking from them? Those things barely look stable enough to hold themselves and they holding up your 10 pound head? yea right, no way. Secondly, I'll look past the fact that you just happened to have two pieces of cork in your pockets (where his pockets are I have no idea), but that looks unsafe shoving them into your cranium like you just did. I need some explanation on where your ears are big man.
Thirdly, one second you're hammocking and then like 5 seconds later you have a full table and chair set up to eat?? I kinda get how you got the job at the Krusty Krab now, that's impressive table setting skills. Finally....Boy, what in God's blue sea are you eating dude? I see one sea leaf on that plate! What are you some middle aged woman trying to diet?
Actually no, better yet, Squidward is simply the most extreme hispster we've ever seen. Lets break this down....
1. His diet. The number 1 sign of a hipster is liking foods that don't make a lick of dang sense. If you've ever caught yourself suffering through eating something and then telling people, "its an acquired taste", then you're a hipster and you can let me eat my McDouble in peace thank you very much. Squidward is eating a leaf, but I don't believe he's a vegan because he didn't exclaim it for all the sea to hear at the moment he was shown with food. Even though the episode has no actual dialogue, a true vegan wouldn't have been able to hold it in and just said it anyways. So Squidward is NOT a vegan.
2. Doesn't wear pants. Forget skinny jeans or clothes that look like you sewed it yourself 20 minutes ago. He is going so far against the grain as to not even wear pants. I'll be damned if H&M doesn't start this trend and start selling pairs of nothing for a reasonably affordable price. All Squidward wears is that dirt-colored shirt (made of dirt? he's so hipster I think we can be safe and say yes).
3. Works at a local eatery and judges everyone who comes in. Go into any local coffee shop and try to order something, if you can walk away without feeling stupid about your purchase then you win. I don't think I've ever been able to order a coffee without getting that "you have no idea what you're talking about" look.
Aside: Hipsters love to charge way too much for something way too simply. I went to this restaurant market thing one time, which points out how hipster it was cause I had no idea what the hell to call it, and went to a sandwich place. I got a fried chicken sandwich and a side salad because I didn't want to look basic and order fries. I paid 18 dollars for this, so I expected some interesting sauce, toppings, or idk maybe something that justifies me taking out a bank loan for this sandwich. What came to me what a piece of fried chicken with some pickles on it (they didn't forget the pickles so I was mildly satisfied) between two small pieces of white bread and a small cup of damp cucumbers. I said to the man who delivered it "I'm so sorry I got a salad with this." He replied "that is a salad, its a cucumber and vinegar salad." OK LISTEN HERE YOU POMPOUS A-HOLES YOU CANT JUST THROW ANYTHING INTO A BOWL AND CALL IT A SALAD! I can't put a computer mouse, a soda can, and a chipotle napkin (yes these are all things within eye shot of me) into a bowl and call it a salad, that's not fair. Needless to say I was livid. Moving on...
4. Plays the clarinet horribly....or does he? 90% of music that extreme hipsters enjoy is unbearable...trust me, I've listened to Shovels and Rope on a 3 hour road trip. Squidwards music is bad to us, but to the hipster, it is indie and revolutionary and personal.
... Ok so we all agree Squidward is a hipster.
Let's keep going. Ok so spongebob blows a bunch of sand on Squidward, sucks it back up, the reef blower spits it out and coughs (its alive, its learning, destroy it), Spongebob can't start the blower, so he pulls the handle what seems like 4 miles across town. Pause. I'm not going to dwell too hard on the fact that he lets go and the handle just stays there because clearly physics just doesn't exist to Spongebob. I want to pause at when he grabs back on, and is rapidly pulled back through town. At 2:10 seconds we see that he actually pulled the cord through a 4 way intersection where two cars had to screech to a stop. And yea, one could argue that Spongebob is being irresponsible to pull the cord through an intersection, but had he not done that, there's a good chance those cars collide...ending the lives of two innocent fish, one of which is Fred the Fish, who will play a pivotal role in this show. So thank you Spongebob, you are a hero.
Just a couple more interesting observations. When the reef blower starts up again, it proceeds to suck up ALL of the water in at least the local area (I'm not sure how advanced this society is. Perhaps they've developed some sort of artificial sectioning with walls to gerrymander the sea into counties or states? I'll get into this in another episode I'm sure).
Whether the reef blower sucked up all the water in the whole sea, or just the local county, there has to be some serious lawsuits coming along for the company that makes them. I mean this company is lucky Spongebob is invincible or else that reef blower explosion would've obliterated him. This will surely lead to a sea-wide recall of all reef blowers due to the fact that A. you can suck up the entire ocean with them, and B. they explode. I can imagine when they were first testing this product, they were hoping no one would run across the length of the town in order to start it, in which case they probably had some sort of package warning and therefore Spongebob is at fault here because he clearly didn't read the warnings. But either way, someone's getting their tailfins sued.
The episode cleverly ends with Spongebob walking out of a mound of sand (that conveniently has a door) through his pristine lawn, and Squidward trapped in a mound of sand as the small pink shell falls lightly to his lumpy nose. *french narrators voice* Ah, poetic justice.
Until next time.
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