Pulling 102: How to Escape the Friendzone - Ripped Pants
Hey Everyone,
It's been a couple weeks but I found some time to knock out an episode. Honestly I needed some time to prepare for this episode because Ripped Pants is ICONIC and proves just how legendary SpongeBob as a character is. So let's get it.
RIPPED PANTS
Right off the bat, the title sticks out. Going into this episode, there must have been some parents who had their trigger finger ready to change the channel in case this episode went south. And one could argue it was mildly inappropriate at times, but it was 1999; a simpler, less sensitive time, so a little sponge nudity wasn't something to worry about.
That being said, the episode opens on a new location known as The Goo Lagoon, which is, according to the French Narrator, a "stinky mud puddle". To the casual viewer, it looks like a normal beach...in the ocean....underwater...I don't even know what to say...who in the world thought of this? What does underwater water feel like to them? Is it some other weird liquid that they've somehow harnessed in their aquatic world? Maybe it's a more dense liquid that has somehow accumulated in the bottom of the ocean? Ya know, like those weird science experiments we did in elementary school where we saw different liquids layered on top of each other? Those were cool. But whatever it is, it messed me up until about the age of 19 when I finally realized what was going on here.
Anyways, it pans to my main man SpongeBob straight boolin at the beach with none other than Sandy Cheeks. And you guessed it, this episodes gonna be about his MAD game he continues to exhibit. But let's go step by step. First off, SpongeBob is being BOLD AF to be still hanging around Sandy for numerous reasons. 1. The last time we saw SpongeBob and Sandy, he pulled up for a shot and then the existence of AIR Dikembe Mutombo-ed him into a real life sponge and sent him straight into the friendzone, which leads to 2. After you fail that epically, you a required to retire and let someone else play. Put the sticks down, call in a sub, and take a seat on the bench man, cause you're done for a while.
As a quick aside, I want to tell a story about my basketball career that perfectly portrayed what being friendzoned is like. When I played JV basketball my junior year of high school....I'll give you a second to laugh at this...I was the center on the team (I'm 6'2"), so obviously my time was less than ideal. One game we were actually close and I had my season high 4 points so needless to say I was feeling it, so I decided to take a heat check (which means you pull up from literally anywhere you get the ball to test how good you're actually playing), so I decided to pull up for a corner 3 with a man in my face. I can't tell you where the ball went because people are still looking for it today. This ball had so little a chance of going in the hoop I think God just took the ball from existence. In other words...I missed. And 5 seconds later there was a foul, or maybe an injury timeout because everyone was having a heart attack from laughing too hard, and I was subbed out. When I sat down on the bench, my coach looked me dead in the eyes and said, "know your role, that's not your shot."...and I never shot another jumper again.
Ok back to it, SpongeBob starts his second attempt with a classy pun making fun of Sandy's name...Textbook...demoralizing the girl, yea that was the move back in middle school, well done Bob. He follows this up by impersonating Squidward...ight dude now you've gone too far. Bros before hoes my man. You seriously gonna let this pick up attempt lead you to clowning on your boy? Doesn't sit right with me. At some point Sandy's on the ground laughing like crazy, but they're interrupted by a large shadow belonging to a massive lobster named Larry. Lowkey he's got some tiny bi/triceps though, I'd take him...
Pause. This is an interesting topic, because one would think that Larry is a douche for jumping in on SpongeBob's game like this...but there's some things we have to consider:
1. What if Larry and SpongeBob aren't close?...If this is the case, then that's fair game. SpongeBob airballed his first attempt, Larry's just taking his, can't hate him for trying.
2. Even if they are close, this is a Level 1 Bro Code Misdemeanor at best. Sandy appears to be a big deal, so SpongeBob's gotta recognize that someone else is gonna be trying to get some of that T(ail) at the Treedome. So he should pass the ball and be a good wingman for Larry.
So either way, I approve of Larry's move, even as demoralizing as it is for SpongeBob. I think most of us have been in a situation in which we were outmatched by someone else and had to follow along and watch someone else sink their shot, it sucks. So they go lift weights. Larry is strong. Sandy is too, despite her terrible form. But SpongeBob refuses to be irrelevant, he's so committed he digs a tunnel to a nearby fish who is roasting marshmallows at the beach for some reason...WITH A FIRE??? Ok the underwater ocean was strike 1, but this is strike 496. He is sitting next to an UNDERWATER FIRE. Anyways, he goes back with some marshmallows, and after an immense struggle, rips his pants. Leaving the crowd (and Sandy) bursting out in laughter, and me wondering why he's wearing whitey-tightys under his bathing suit....that's some socks with sandals weird stuff man.
Alright so he's got his confidence back, somehow this move worked, and he knows it. He goes to play volleyball, sucks at it, so he rips his pants. Boom, killed it.
Then they go play Frisbee, doesn't even try, gets Sandy's attention, rips his pants again. SLAY SPONGEBOB! Sandy and him go get ice cream, knocks out a couple more rips (ok seriously how man pairs of pants do you have spongebob? Or are you just ripping that same pair over and over again?). Then he runs off and starts annoying people who are eating by exposing his arse. Finally, he tries his most theatrical attempt yet. He goes surfing, and essentially fakes his near death for the sake of a ripped pants joke, which even upsets everyone, including Sandy and that guy who keeps saying "Duuuude." All jokes aside this scene was hella emotional and had me in the feels for a minute. The acting by that lifeguard fish was incredible....
We cut to SpongeBob hiding out and, like any successful player, assessing his gameplan. After ripping his completely off, he squads up with some other losers on the beach, although they all seem to be acting pretty overdramatic about their situations. One chick was sunburned, yea it's the beach, no duh. Another guy got sand in his buns...THROW THEM AWAY AND GET SOME MORE, MY GOODNESS MAN. And the final dude was buried in the sand and forgotten...ok I'll give you some slack that's pretty unfortunate. Then, out of nowhere, SpongeBob finds a guitar made from sand (seriously why couldn't just have been a real guitar? That's probably less ridiculous than a guitar made of sand that works and is in tune...), and the 4 of them break out into one of the most fire songs of any of our childhoods...
Seriously, this was a BOP. SpongeBob got lucky that the losers he met just happened to be the Don Henley, Joe Walsh, and Bernie Leadon of the sea (go look up these names please), because they were somehow able to improvise and nail 3 verses, a bridge, and an instrumental breakdown; all the while, a massive sand stadium is somehow being constructed around them and thousands of fish show up. Now, we've already seen an underwater fire, so I'm done questioning the logistics of how the heck any of this happened, but it eventually ends with Sandy and SpongeBob embracing (he's still in just underwear...ew...) and Sandy saying some dumb cliché line about being yourself or something idk. And then more importantly, Larry comes over and basically admits he was outdone and that he's a scrub, despite the fact that the song was partially a diss track on Larry. Seriously go listen, part of the song is "big Larry came 'round just to put him down"...calling someone "big-anything" is the most backhanded compliment a man can make. Boy if I was Larry I woulda come up and given SpongeBob a ripped face for that one. But poetic justice takes over and as Spongebob bends to sign Larry's pants (kinda kinky move by Larry there), SpongeBob's underwear rips off...to leave us with a completely nude Spongebob, just in case this episode wasn't weird enough...
In conclusion, this episode is absolutely bonkers, but ridiculously inspiring. We saw a man fight his way out of the friendzone and get the girl...in fact...yea I'm just going to go on from this episode assuming that Sandy and SpongeBob are officially dating...seriously I'm convinced. Some other over-analytical observations I have are as follows:
1. This show is progressive as hell. Sandy is clearly the Alpha of this show in terms of attractiveness, as well as strength, smarts, emotion, and overall quality. Yea I know that her only real role in the early going is SpongeBob laying the trap on her, but realistically she is absolutely the Alpha. More than that, everyone treats her great despite the fact that she's not from the same ecosystem. That's some open-mindedness that we all need nowadays.
2. Seriously why is there so much nudity? It's been 5 episodes and we've seen SpongeBob naked in 2 of them, Sandy walks around in a two piece, Patrick doesn't wear a shirt, and Squidward doesn't wear pants...I need answers.
3. This episode took a big ole swing and miss at teaching the children of America to "be true to yourself". As a "adult" I realize that this episode was clearly designed to have some sort of moral lesson involved in it, but the only thing I remember it doing for us kids was convince us its ok to rip our pants and walk around in our underwear. You think I'm kidding...I have vivid memories of the kids in our neighborhood walking around singing the Ripped Pants song and basically mooning each other with our underwear...or maybe we were just a really messed up group of kids...
That's it. Sweet, see you next time. And remember, "be true to yourself, don't miss your chance, and you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants."
It's been a couple weeks but I found some time to knock out an episode. Honestly I needed some time to prepare for this episode because Ripped Pants is ICONIC and proves just how legendary SpongeBob as a character is. So let's get it.
RIPPED PANTS
Right off the bat, the title sticks out. Going into this episode, there must have been some parents who had their trigger finger ready to change the channel in case this episode went south. And one could argue it was mildly inappropriate at times, but it was 1999; a simpler, less sensitive time, so a little sponge nudity wasn't something to worry about.
That being said, the episode opens on a new location known as The Goo Lagoon, which is, according to the French Narrator, a "stinky mud puddle". To the casual viewer, it looks like a normal beach...in the ocean....underwater...I don't even know what to say...who in the world thought of this? What does underwater water feel like to them? Is it some other weird liquid that they've somehow harnessed in their aquatic world? Maybe it's a more dense liquid that has somehow accumulated in the bottom of the ocean? Ya know, like those weird science experiments we did in elementary school where we saw different liquids layered on top of each other? Those were cool. But whatever it is, it messed me up until about the age of 19 when I finally realized what was going on here.
Anyways, it pans to my main man SpongeBob straight boolin at the beach with none other than Sandy Cheeks. And you guessed it, this episodes gonna be about his MAD game he continues to exhibit. But let's go step by step. First off, SpongeBob is being BOLD AF to be still hanging around Sandy for numerous reasons. 1. The last time we saw SpongeBob and Sandy, he pulled up for a shot and then the existence of AIR Dikembe Mutombo-ed him into a real life sponge and sent him straight into the friendzone, which leads to 2. After you fail that epically, you a required to retire and let someone else play. Put the sticks down, call in a sub, and take a seat on the bench man, cause you're done for a while.
As a quick aside, I want to tell a story about my basketball career that perfectly portrayed what being friendzoned is like. When I played JV basketball my junior year of high school....I'll give you a second to laugh at this...I was the center on the team (I'm 6'2"), so obviously my time was less than ideal. One game we were actually close and I had my season high 4 points so needless to say I was feeling it, so I decided to take a heat check (which means you pull up from literally anywhere you get the ball to test how good you're actually playing), so I decided to pull up for a corner 3 with a man in my face. I can't tell you where the ball went because people are still looking for it today. This ball had so little a chance of going in the hoop I think God just took the ball from existence. In other words...I missed. And 5 seconds later there was a foul, or maybe an injury timeout because everyone was having a heart attack from laughing too hard, and I was subbed out. When I sat down on the bench, my coach looked me dead in the eyes and said, "know your role, that's not your shot."...and I never shot another jumper again.
Ok back to it, SpongeBob starts his second attempt with a classy pun making fun of Sandy's name...Textbook...demoralizing the girl, yea that was the move back in middle school, well done Bob. He follows this up by impersonating Squidward...ight dude now you've gone too far. Bros before hoes my man. You seriously gonna let this pick up attempt lead you to clowning on your boy? Doesn't sit right with me. At some point Sandy's on the ground laughing like crazy, but they're interrupted by a large shadow belonging to a massive lobster named Larry. Lowkey he's got some tiny bi/triceps though, I'd take him...
Pause. This is an interesting topic, because one would think that Larry is a douche for jumping in on SpongeBob's game like this...but there's some things we have to consider:
1. What if Larry and SpongeBob aren't close?...If this is the case, then that's fair game. SpongeBob airballed his first attempt, Larry's just taking his, can't hate him for trying.
2. Even if they are close, this is a Level 1 Bro Code Misdemeanor at best. Sandy appears to be a big deal, so SpongeBob's gotta recognize that someone else is gonna be trying to get some of that T(ail) at the Treedome. So he should pass the ball and be a good wingman for Larry.
So either way, I approve of Larry's move, even as demoralizing as it is for SpongeBob. I think most of us have been in a situation in which we were outmatched by someone else and had to follow along and watch someone else sink their shot, it sucks. So they go lift weights. Larry is strong. Sandy is too, despite her terrible form. But SpongeBob refuses to be irrelevant, he's so committed he digs a tunnel to a nearby fish who is roasting marshmallows at the beach for some reason...WITH A FIRE??? Ok the underwater ocean was strike 1, but this is strike 496. He is sitting next to an UNDERWATER FIRE. Anyways, he goes back with some marshmallows, and after an immense struggle, rips his pants. Leaving the crowd (and Sandy) bursting out in laughter, and me wondering why he's wearing whitey-tightys under his bathing suit....that's some socks with sandals weird stuff man.
Alright so he's got his confidence back, somehow this move worked, and he knows it. He goes to play volleyball, sucks at it, so he rips his pants. Boom, killed it.
Then they go play Frisbee, doesn't even try, gets Sandy's attention, rips his pants again. SLAY SPONGEBOB! Sandy and him go get ice cream, knocks out a couple more rips (ok seriously how man pairs of pants do you have spongebob? Or are you just ripping that same pair over and over again?). Then he runs off and starts annoying people who are eating by exposing his arse. Finally, he tries his most theatrical attempt yet. He goes surfing, and essentially fakes his near death for the sake of a ripped pants joke, which even upsets everyone, including Sandy and that guy who keeps saying "Duuuude." All jokes aside this scene was hella emotional and had me in the feels for a minute. The acting by that lifeguard fish was incredible....
We cut to SpongeBob hiding out and, like any successful player, assessing his gameplan. After ripping his completely off, he squads up with some other losers on the beach, although they all seem to be acting pretty overdramatic about their situations. One chick was sunburned, yea it's the beach, no duh. Another guy got sand in his buns...THROW THEM AWAY AND GET SOME MORE, MY GOODNESS MAN. And the final dude was buried in the sand and forgotten...ok I'll give you some slack that's pretty unfortunate. Then, out of nowhere, SpongeBob finds a guitar made from sand (seriously why couldn't just have been a real guitar? That's probably less ridiculous than a guitar made of sand that works and is in tune...), and the 4 of them break out into one of the most fire songs of any of our childhoods...
Seriously, this was a BOP. SpongeBob got lucky that the losers he met just happened to be the Don Henley, Joe Walsh, and Bernie Leadon of the sea (go look up these names please), because they were somehow able to improvise and nail 3 verses, a bridge, and an instrumental breakdown; all the while, a massive sand stadium is somehow being constructed around them and thousands of fish show up. Now, we've already seen an underwater fire, so I'm done questioning the logistics of how the heck any of this happened, but it eventually ends with Sandy and SpongeBob embracing (he's still in just underwear...ew...) and Sandy saying some dumb cliché line about being yourself or something idk. And then more importantly, Larry comes over and basically admits he was outdone and that he's a scrub, despite the fact that the song was partially a diss track on Larry. Seriously go listen, part of the song is "big Larry came 'round just to put him down"...calling someone "big-anything" is the most backhanded compliment a man can make. Boy if I was Larry I woulda come up and given SpongeBob a ripped face for that one. But poetic justice takes over and as Spongebob bends to sign Larry's pants (kinda kinky move by Larry there), SpongeBob's underwear rips off...to leave us with a completely nude Spongebob, just in case this episode wasn't weird enough...
In conclusion, this episode is absolutely bonkers, but ridiculously inspiring. We saw a man fight his way out of the friendzone and get the girl...in fact...yea I'm just going to go on from this episode assuming that Sandy and SpongeBob are officially dating...seriously I'm convinced. Some other over-analytical observations I have are as follows:
1. This show is progressive as hell. Sandy is clearly the Alpha of this show in terms of attractiveness, as well as strength, smarts, emotion, and overall quality. Yea I know that her only real role in the early going is SpongeBob laying the trap on her, but realistically she is absolutely the Alpha. More than that, everyone treats her great despite the fact that she's not from the same ecosystem. That's some open-mindedness that we all need nowadays.
2. Seriously why is there so much nudity? It's been 5 episodes and we've seen SpongeBob naked in 2 of them, Sandy walks around in a two piece, Patrick doesn't wear a shirt, and Squidward doesn't wear pants...I need answers.
3. This episode took a big ole swing and miss at teaching the children of America to "be true to yourself". As a "adult" I realize that this episode was clearly designed to have some sort of moral lesson involved in it, but the only thing I remember it doing for us kids was convince us its ok to rip our pants and walk around in our underwear. You think I'm kidding...I have vivid memories of the kids in our neighborhood walking around singing the Ripped Pants song and basically mooning each other with our underwear...or maybe we were just a really messed up group of kids...
That's it. Sweet, see you next time. And remember, "be true to yourself, don't miss your chance, and you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants."
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